genarti, shati, and bookelfe present: THE REASON WE SHOULD NOT ALL BE ALLOWED IN ONE PLACE AT ONE TIME. (OR MAYBE WE SHOULD BE TRAPPED IN ONE PLACE AT ONE TIME ALL THE TIME. I DON'T KNOW!)

Alternate Title: Being a Presentation by Heroes and Buffy the Vampire Slayer of: Into The Graveyard: Agony: Reprise

CLAIRE: Buffy! What a surprise!

BUFFY: Claire. How good to see you.

CLAIRE: What brings you into the graveyard today?

BUFFY: I am investigating news of a demon. A dancing demon.

CLAIRE: A dancing demon? No, something isn't right there . . . Anyway, a hero doesn't need to do that. That is a subplot for your Scoobies . . . or less.

BUFFY: Well, what brings you into the graveyard?

CLAIRE: My West has run off.

BUFFY: Congratulations! –- I mean, run off?

CLAIRE: He’s a changed man. He has been subject to hysterical fits of stalking. Moods that no soul can predict. And he keeps making waffles. I know not what to do.

BUFFY: What a pity.

CLAIRE: And . . . your vampire?

BUFFY: He . . . remains well.

CLAIRE: Does he? Now, Buffy, do tell what you're really doing here.

BUFFY: Jumped from a tower –-
Like you did, but higher –-
And fell six feet deep.
I jumped from the tower
And walked through the fire
Just wanted to sleep.
Agony! No frustration more keen,
When the one thing you want
Is the heaven you’ve already seen.

CLAIRE: I had a bullet
Go right through my chest --
See, I’m unbreakable.
Went through my gullet
But my final rest
Was just as rewakeable --

BOTH: What unmistakable agony! But they need us, of course.

BUFFY: It was my time to go --

CLAIRE: Did you heal yourself?

BUFFY: No, but they dug up my corpse.

BOTH: Agony! So repetitive too!
Always redying
Then revivifying
Let’s have something new!

CLAIRE: If it were not for the bloodstains --

BUFFY: The bloodstain’s no pain for the gain.

CLAIRE: You’re insane!

BUFFY: Well your brain’s not the sanest –- your issues with veins –-

CLAIRE: Like you’re one to complain --
It’s my thing about blood!

BUFFY: Well, it’s sick!

CLAIRE: It’s no sicker than your thing with vamps!

BUFFY: Vamps?

CLAIRE: Vamps!

BUFFY: Vamps are very exciting! –- I mean upsetting! Upsetting!

CLAIRE: Not forgetting

BOTH: The fate undeniable
Clothes unreusable
Dads unreliable
Moms so confusable
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-AGONY

CLAIRE: MISERY

BUFFY: WOE

BOTH: And there’s not any cure.

BUFFY: Always back from the dead

CLAIRE: Always bashed in the head

BOTH: Got brain damage for sure!
Agony, that can cut like a knife!
Ah well, back to my . . . life . . .